Due to a bizarre twist of…probably my back. I can’t spend an awful lot of time typing at the moment. So until I can come up with something that doesn’t involve inhumane shoulder transplants and a desire to kill anyone or anything that even looks hard at my back…I leave you with Dylan Moran (He of Black Books fame)…hey! he is cheering me up.
More discombobulated ramblings as soon as I can spend more than 5 minutes typing.
Holy crapola. I couldn’t sleep last night, so decided to watch a film. Lets pretend it was a cinema showing of a new(ish) film called “Beyond the ring” starring Andre Lima as himself. I “went to the cinema” to watch this film, as I saw a clip and it looked like it had some pretty good martial arts action in it……Clips can be deceptive, that’s all I’m saying.
First of all, the soundtrack would have been rejected by the people that brought you “The Karate Kid” as being too cheesy. The acting was more wooden than Pinnochios sex doll and the direction/cinematography reminded me of when my 5 year old got a hold of the video camera a couple of years ago.
I think I can sum it up though… It started badly, tailed off a little in the middle and the less said about the ending the better. Other than that it was excellent.
I know it is based on “True Events”, but not every hard luck story can be a great film…especially when you put someone who clearly has never acted before…in a movie of people that have never acted….along with a director that has never directed and cameramen that have never camera’d(?). Add to that the fact that only about 10 minutes in the entire film had any martial arts action and you get where I am coming from. Put it this way, it made AWOL look like an Oscar winning film with Jean Claude Van Damme getting the award for best actor. It was THAT bad…
Now, I have watched some shite in my time…Natural Born Killers didn’t even make it halfway through before it got switched off and the only reason I watched the Event Horizon to the end was because we had bought tickets to another film immediately afterwards and it was pissing down outside. I watched the massively over-hyped Superbad and can only agree with the title decision. But nothing has managed to top this film. It seriously looks like it was made as a straight to TV film in the late 80s. I can’t even force myself to place this into the “So bad it’s good” category. It’s just that bad.
If you don’t believe me, watch it yourself…just don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Come on, name the worst film you have seen…
So, with some of the stories you have read on here, and certainly for some people that know me…you may think me to be a reasonably confident individual in all situations.
Not so, I have never been confident with public speaking or speaking with the ladies.
Now don’t get me wrong, I have managed to overcome these things to a degree, but I become rooted to the spot, I get very hot and my throat gets dry. It’s weird, I find it a lot easier to overcome this deficiency at work than I do in my personal life.
For example, in my job I am regularly called upon to give presentations or training or take meetings etc…Inside I am going mental, but normally manage to overcome it and do a good job. Outside of work, the fear washes over me and I struggle.
Now, you put me in a situation with friends in an informal setting and I can hold my own at the center of any conversation. You stick me on a stage with the EXACT same group of people in front of me and I freeze.
Which is why my wedding speech consisted of almost passing out before it was due, trying to put it off as “Everyone is enjoying themselves”, an inability to eat and possibly too much beer. Culminating in my award winning “Thanks for coming….Lets get pissed” speech. Yes, I am proud of that myself 
I don’t know what it is that makes people confident or not. When put in a pressure situation, or if I am pissed off…no problem. I guess that is down to distracting myself from what is actually happening.
Now in the past, with the ladies….I have had to find other methods that overcome this hideous fear of rejection. Including trying to employ a small measure of psychology, which surprised me by being reasonably successful when I was a lad. Of course, back then I didn’t have the Uncle Fester thing going on and was fairly popular anyway…so it could have just been that I guess Still, I put it down to my amazing techniques….and I would share them with you now, but I probably couldn’t handle the ridicule, plus if any of you tried them and failed you would no doubt seek me out and beat me for spreading misinformation and humiliation.
Of course, confidence can kick you in the arse too, and by that I am obviously referring to over-confidence. We get a lot of it at work, NNES (Non-Native English Speakers) that have been working in English for years feel confident in correcting my documentation and have actually argued with me on the correct useage of English words. I wouldn’t mind if they were occasionally right, but having to find a dictionary or real life example to demonstrate that I am correct is beyond belief. I can’t give specific example…or I would have to kill you, or make this thing self-destruct at least……and frankly it had enough of that a few weeks back.
Speaking of over confidence, especially in ones own ability – Have you seen Britains Got Talent, X-Factor, Big Brother or any of these type of reality shows. It may even go back to my last post…how can parents seriously encourage some of these people. They can’t seriously believe that this…
…is talented? Unless the talent is to induce vomiting and blood loss through the ears as some sort of WMD for future wars. Somebody somewhere must have helped this delusion along. Ok, I will admit, if I had been involved in the “development” of this “talent”, I would have been evil and twisted enough to want to get them on a show like this for a laugh.
Maybe this is where my confidence could be best used, whilst the police and armed forces are looking for
chemical weapons and nukes, I could smuggle William Hung into any country and hold them to ransom….
Pay me 50,000,000 immediately or he starts singing
Genius
I often trawl YouTube and its many clones for funnies and this one struck me as particularly good – Hope you like it too.
If you don’t know about Flight of the Conchords yet, have a look at this clip from their HBO special in the states.
They bill themselves as “New Zealand’s fourth most popular guitar based digi-bongo acapella rap funk comedy folk duo”
Good stuff 