Photo by Brett L.Just recently, I had the misfortune of watching the new Scooby Doo.Â What happened to “I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for those meddlin’ kids”?Â Whatever happened to thinking that Daphne was really an airhead bimbo and that if you could get those glasses off her, Velma was a right dirty little minx…that Fred was quite obviously gay and wondering what type of drug was actually in those Scooby Snacks?
Now it’s all cell shaded races and evil villains with far too much technology.Â Bring back the days of the “gang” running down a corridor that had 1 window, a plant and a grandfather clock that would pass them every 2 seconds.Â Frankly I would much rather have that annoying Scrappy Doo on repeat, than put myself or my kids through this crap again.
I will admit that Spongebob is a genius but, other than that, where are all the quality..cheesy cartoons from days of yore?Â Gone is the mild mannered janitor of Hong Kong Phooey fame…no more “Your bullets cannot harm me, my wings are like a SHIELD of STEEEEEL” from Batfink.Â Even the Saturday morning kids shows are full of watered down, “Everyone is a winner” ponces that are desperate to get on “I used to be a celebrity, get me some publicity” or “Celebrity Big Let Down” or whatever the latest nonsensical reality TV bollocks is.Â Bring back Richard “Smackhead” Bacon…that’s what the kids want, someone with an edge…that their parents can hate…in fact I intend to start a campaign to bring back Tiswas.
Now, I am aware that Chris Tarrant went on to be that annoying git on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire..but I can forgive him anything as a result of Tiswas.
Tizwas was a pretty anarchic show for Saturday morning kids TV.Â The Dying Fly, Spit the Dog, the Phantom Flan Flinger and Gunge…they invented GUNGE for crying out loud, they had it all.Â Take 1 celebrity, who thinks that they should be beefing up their self-important profile by connecting with the kids…and cover them in crap…then get the Phantom Flan Flinger to run up and mash a custard pie in their face and after all of that, drop more crap all over them.Â I actually knew kids whose parents wouldn’t let them watch it.Â Maybe they were right though, I am pretty sure that a whole generation of rebels were born thanks to that show.Â Â You could take your Jimmy Crankie and Stuart “Ooh, I could crush a grape” Francis, with their oh so “On the Edge” Crackerjack and shove it up yer lady bits “Jimmy”.Â Tiswas was…and still could be…where shit got real.
Check it out for yourself….they had The Who!!!Â The Who ffs…on a kids TV show :
It wasn’t all great though, we did have to put up with Noels Multi-Coloured Swap Shop, featuring Keith “Cheggers Plays Pop” Chegwin…would later star in Cheggers Plays Pop and then in his own Alcoholics Anonymous campaign.
What about you?Â Have you seen anything from your childhood butchered into a “more modern version”?
I’m off to overdose on Tiswas and send letter bombs to Hannah Barbaric for this shite they dare to peddle as Scooby Doo.