I am considering buying a car at the moment.Â I am looking at the new Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution.Â It is expensive, but if I am honest, there are two things that appeal to me about the car.Â The first is that I live in Germany, the land of fast motorways..the second is the thought of seeing the face of my kids as I pull up to get them in their favourite car.Â Let’s ignore the fact that I can’t afford one for now..
There is a third thing, and that is the fact that it would be new.Â I still miss my old Alfa, sure it had it’s annoyances and foibles, not to mention how much it cost to do anything with it, the noise it made going round in circles and all the other faults that drove me insane.Â Finally it blew a valve once too often and I got shot of it, but I knew everything about that car and especially how to make it tick.Â It was comfortable I guess.Â I could never have an Alfa now though, I look back at all the reasons I loved that car and realise that there are far more why I don’t.Â Plus, when I got it, they were rare…now they seem to let anyone drive one.Â So I think it is about time I got myself a new car, it has been long enough without one of my own…you can only borrow one for the night so many times before you want one to drive whenever the mood takes you.
Let’s face it though, I live in the land of the BMW/Mercedes/Audi and Volkswagen.Â I don’t like the new Volkswagens, have never been keen on any Mercedes other than the sports versions that I could probably never afford, Top Gear have said that an Audi is officially the car of the Cock these days…which leaves a BMW as my only realistic alternative.Â The problem of course is that the BMW held the title of Cockmobile for so long, I wonder if it will regain its title soon after I buy.Â Which takes me back to the Evo.Â Such a great car..fast, full of electronics (me likey)…oh and did I say fast?
I have had some great cars in my time..not necessarily great cars, but great memories with them and therefore great cars to me.
My first was a pristine Morris Marina, which was older than me when my Mum and Dad presented it to me, one owner from new and immaculate.Â All I remember really was that it had the capability to be run ragged and keep going.Â It had a solid steel bumper and because the suspension comprised of these weird elastic band type things, the back end was quite high.Â This led to a number of issues.Â The first was when, on a winters night with the windows iced up, I reversed into my (soon to be) wifes neighbours car.Â Â The question that was raised the next day to her was “Does Daves car have a towbar?”…which it didn’t..so I did the only thing I could do…I owned up and paid for the damage shook my head and commented on “dishonest bastards”.Â The self same bumper also did about Â?1000 worth of damage to a Ford Sierra that rear-ended me at traffic lights.Â I pull up at some lights, and start to take a swig of my coke when, BANG, idiot smacks straight into the back of me.Â I motion for him to pull over after the lights change and we both get out.Â When I get to the back of my car, I notice the massive amount of damage to this guys car, seriously, the bumper was hanging off..the grill was completely wrecked and his bonnet was crumpled.Â I think one or both of his headlights were knackered aswell.Â I quickly look to my car…just in time to see a small fleck of rust wafting its way to the ground like a leaf in the autumn.Â I didn’t feel the need to get the guys insurance details and I went on my merry way.
The constant abuse that I gave the car almost came back to hurt me though, when a bearing came loose from the gearbox and literally shot out of the side of the gearbox housing….it was only blind luck that it didn’t come into the car….
I had a Ford Sierra (other wise known as a Ford Clitoris..every cu…nah) a Vauxhall Nova that had the distinction of breaking down whenever I wanted to go anywhere, especially if there was any rain.Â There was a Renault 19 that lasted pretty well, until some idiot joyriders smashed into Sarah when she was driving it home.Â Come to think of it, they were driving a Sierra…I hate Sierras, or at least they hate me.
Then I had a black Peugeot 306 Turbo that tried to kill me on the way to work when all of the electrics failed at around 100MPH….meaning I couldn’t use the electrically assisted brakes.Â This woudln’t have been too much of a problem except for the huge traffic jam a mile or so ahead of me…and all of the traffic around me that basically wouldn’t let me pull in.Â In the end I had to use the handbrake to slow down and force my way across traffic to the hard shoulder…with black smoke pouring off my tires.Â My lasting memory of that was phoning my bitch boss from hell at the time and telling her what had happened.Â All she asked was “Well…how late are you going to be?”.Â Nice.
I have already mentioned my next Peugeot, and just before I got the Alfa, I had a Ford Mondeo.Â Although, just before the Mondeo was delivered I was driving around in a rented Vauxhall Vectra (sorry Top Gear) for a while…that Sarah reversed into a concrete wall one night.Â Our driveway at the time was very long and had a (surprise) concrete wall along the length of it.Â She was taking Lisa home on a very foggy night and when she started to reverse she asked Lisa if she was clear.Â Lisa, thinking that she was referring to other cars, said yes.Â Unfortunately, she was referring to the wall.Â Cue acceleration and a loud noise, which put a sizeable scratch/dent combination into the passenger side.Â Â A few weeks later, I am making sure the scratch/dent combination is covered in dirt as I had to give the car back to the rental company….fortunately the guy collecting the car was on the phone and didn’t notice..thanks to some crafty parking by me
So there you have it, maybe I shouldn’t buy a car after all…it will only end up in disaster