I can handle being slated, have trouble taking compliments (a British thing) and am slightly bemused by requests.
It is the requests that I want to deal with here today.Â My other request is still in development, and honestly…may never see the light of day.Â Normally you write what you write with little or no regard for other people, you write because you find the subject matter interesting, funny, rantable…whatever.Â Writing because you have been asked to tackle a particular subject makes it considerably more difficult.Â What if they don’t like it? what if you took the piss a little too much…or not enough?Â What if, what if, what if?
My latest request is not even for the blog.Â I have been asked to write a personal ad for a friend.Â She would like it to be funny (I think I see the first problem with asking me then) but also genuine, as she honestly intends to use it to find a partner.Â No pressure then
If I am completely honest, within a couple of seconds of being asked, I already had possibilities running through my head..but I needed to research.Â What are people putting in online personals these days?Â Is it all GSH, WE, BB, RHD, ABS etc etc or is there actual substance?Â Does the site she will use allow for the kind of wordy nonsense I usually write, or is it 4 lines and no more than 50 words like in the newspapers?
So I signed up to the site she mentioned to get some ideas.Â The first thing you notice is that it is all in German….damnit, will have to search other ad sites.Â Let’s see what we have then…
Craigslist:Â Oh dear god, are these people serious?Â I won’t go through the usual blog route of copy/pasting examples here…but christ on a rope…45 year old man seeks toilet sex…that, right there, was enough to stop me using Craigslist for ideas.Â Also, an ability to spell the disgusting perversion you have would surely increase your chances of finding a likeminded soul.
OKCupid:Â Much better quality of profile overall, although they want so much information that I don’t see a way to get ideas.Â I wrote less at school…and certainly less in this blog on a (semi) regular basis.
Then I started to fall down, too many of these sites are pay per play (so to speak), meaning you can only see limited profile information unless you cough up some hard earned moolah for the privilige.Â Gone are the days of SWF seeks WE man with GSH and own car/house…etc.
The other issue is that what I say will be translated into German.Â I therefore have to be careful with any clever (or not) puns and statements.Â Seeing as German humour is essentially Benny Hill….I could have my work cut out here.
Still…Fun loving, large breasted woman seeks fastest milkman in germany for delivery of 3-4 pints a day..
What?!?Â It could work…. ok, back to the drawing board