Now I know that the current financial crisis is causing problems in the industry.Â I know that banks and their employees are in a semi-permanent alternating state of catatonia and panic.Â I didn’t, however, realise that it had gotten so bad where I am working.Â I went to the smoking area today and there is a meeting room next door, it is one of the posh meeting rooms where they have signs outside announcing the meeting going on in that room.
Today, this particular meeting room had the following sign:
SOILING TEST MEETING
Now, as the title says, at least they are being honest.Â I appreciate that the Germans have a reputation for being methodical and organised about everything, but if people are shitting themselves all day at the moment…surely they don’t need a test?Â Of course, it is worse if you consider that they might not be shitting themselves currently, but have planned a session in the near future and want to ensure that all of the staff have their emergency nappies and moist towellettes within easy reach.Â Perhaps they are demonstrating the quickest ways to remove various clothing items.Â It seems like they are a caring company…most would focus on soiling avoidance, but these guys are with you every step of the way.Â “Shit away, we don’t blame you..but do it properly and it doesn’t have to be too bad”
I fully expect to see more meetings like this advertised over the coming weeks.Â Maybe a course in hurling ones self from the top of the building, with the focus on minimising trauma to any witnesses and of course taking into account that the landing site is easily accessible by the authorities so that half of Frankfurt doesn’t need to shut down for the Spatula brigade to scrape you up.
You could have hari-kari 101, cyanide application training…vehicle exhaust re-routing seminars.Â Of course, in this industry you will of course have people that aren’t quite ready to “cash out” so to speak.Â For these people there will be “Scapegoat Cultivation and how to apportion blame without guilt” and of course the very popular “Embezzlement, it’s not just a funny word…it’s a lifestyle choice”.
The irony of Embezzlement of course…..where do you put your ill gotten gains….you wouldn’t seriously want to put it in a bank would you?