I was watching Ricky Gervais Live the other night and he talked about an advert.  This particular advert sees a taxi cab pull up and ask if a girl needs a cab.  Then a disembodied voice comes on and says “If you want to know the price of an illegal taxi ride…..just ask a rape victim”.  Like Ricky says, “Don’t…they go mental – I burst into an incident room and shouted ‘How much to Hounslow?’ and she freaked”

So what goes into making an advert bad?

Bad acting
Ok, so this one is pretty much a given, but at least stop giving actual staff of these DIY outlets lines to read and hire someone for the job.  Also, under no circumstances give talentless bank managers songs to sing.

Poor Slogan
What’s in YOUR wallet, for example.   Do they really want the answer?  Some condoms, a number from the other night, some expired cards, my drivers license….certainly not a card from Capital “robbing bastards” One.

Utilisation of never were or wannabe celebs
If you need a Big Brother contestent, or a 1970/80s “star for a year” then you’re in trouble.  File for bankruptcy immediately and never contaminate our airwaves again.  If an advert has to put the actors name on screen, they aren’t known well enough to help sell a product….it’s that simple

Crap 1970′s cinema advert style
Producers of adverts that feature nothing but photographs and shite voiceovers should be forced to consume battery acid and arsenic tea with a side order of broken glass and razor blades.

Twisting great songs into shite pun-filled nightmare inducing ear vomit
I don’t even have a specific one for this particularly category…due to the well known fact that the mind blocks out traumatic events.  It may also explain why there is a large hole in my television screen currently.  Rest assured you will have your own list of vomit inducing, cringeworthy attempt at being humourous, pun filled calamitous destruction of popular music adverts.  Fuck you DFS Furniture Superstore…fuck you in the spleen.

There are some genuinely great ones though, take my old fave, the John West Salmon adverts…

or the Nationwide bank adverts

I think that my fave advert of recent times is this one…mainly due to living in Frankfurt and listening to Germans wandering around saying the last line…then bursting into laughter – Who says the Germans don’t have a sense of humour.

Any adverts that stand out for you?