My name is Dave, and I am a nicotineoholic.Â It has been 5 minutes since my last cigarette and it is difficult.
Ok, so it isn’t quite that bad, yet, but I have my moments.Â Anyone that has smoked will more than likely know that when you drink alcohol, you smoke more.Â Oh, and when I say “Anyone” that excludes occasional smokers….I don’t know how you do it, well those of you that inhale anyway.
So most smokers will have, on occasion, woken up to the feeling that someone has parked a small articulated lorry on their chest.Â We resolve this by “kickstarting the lungs” with a cigarette.Â Â Genius eh?Â Normally intelligent folks performing random acts of moronity.
Now, before you shun me as the social outcast you now know me to be…I understand my problem.Â Yes cigarettes are addictive, but that isn’t it.Â They also do have some side benefits.Â They are an appetite
suppressant, trust me, if they weren’t I would probably be indistinguishable from any other large building that waddles down your street.
You see, I gave up smoking for almost 5 years, unfortunately when I started the process I was quite slim.Â Fast forward to when I started smoking again and I am roughly the size of an up and coming sumo star.Â Face it, I had to start again before I ballooned further.Â It was self preservation really.Â Stop the weight gain or have to be removed from my house by a crane.
Just recently though, Germany adopted the smoking ban…and currently it is not an issue.Â The weather is fantastic and the beer garden is king.Â However, all of the non-smokers,Â previously more happy than vegetarians when the BSE scandal hit the UK, are now following us smokers outside for the fresh air and sunshine.Â The issue, smokers are now upsetting non-smokers outside too.Â I actually read a rant from a smoker actually complaining about all of the people smoking outside.Â WE GAVE YOU THE BAR DAMMNIT!!
At least out here drinking outside is normal, and the bar staff take your order and deliver the beer to you.Â In the UK it would kill me….quite literally with regards the extra strain placed upon my weak heart and lungs.Â In a lot of pubs they don’t allow you to take your beer outside, and the chances of being served outside are even slimmer.
I was looking for an image to drop on here and discovered this:
Now I can’t deny any of this, and frankly I wouldn’t want to.Â But the information that is always missing from this kind of information is that the extra years are the bad ones at the end…you know, the years in the nursing home covered in your own crap and not remembering your name without some sort of tag.Â The doddering, frail, zimmerframe years.
I like the fact that the warning on cigarettes now takes up half the packet.Â That will sort out that guy buying smokes that has been living under a rock for the last 20 years… Who is that for though, seriously?Â Let’s face it, they could market cigarettes in a black packet with a picture of a skull and crossbones on and call them “Death Sticks” with the slogan “Guaranteed melanoma with every inhalation” and there would be a queue halfway down the street to buy them… Why?
Because smoking is cool…..