Writer, director and occasional Silent Bob actor Kevin Smith said it best during his “An evening with Kevin Smith” DVD.Â He refers to using “Steal the thunder” humour, where he will put himself down about his weight etc, which leaves nothing for people to hit you with.
I have followed the same mantra for many years now and it works.Â I think a lot of people would assume it would be depressing, but honestly it isn’t.Â It is pretty bloody funny to watch people flounder for a comedy put down when you have just used the best material available on yourself.
You may have noticed this particular style elsewhere in this blog, it’s something I personally find funny, especially watching people flounder.Â You can also steal the thunder following an insult.Â Now just to explain, I am pretty good in an argument and have been known to fire off some snappy comebacks in my time.Â Usually when you catch people off-guard with a comeback, they result to the most base defence….the personal insult.
Being of the larger persuasion (I didn’t take much persuading though, truth be told), it is no surprise where their poorly developed intellect takes these morons in the search for a retort to the snappy comeback:
Me: Some snappy quip
Idiot: Shut the fuck up you fat bastard
See…classy huh, right up there with the best of them really…
Me: Oh dear god, the fat comeback.Â Shit, I didn’t see that coming, I hadn’t prepared….it could only really get worse if you spot the cleverly concealed fact about my hair loss..and my tendency to look like the bastard love child of Uncle Fester and a shaved panda.Â Oh no, not the panda comment.Â You sir have cut me to my very quip, I am mortally wounded, my intellect bows and scrapes at the feet of a master of witty repartee, a mind the speed of a whippet and the generally aquired wiseness of the longest living owl.Â I apologise and beg you, please do not waste your god given talents of intellectual prowess on me, a mere imbecile who is not worthy to walk past you, let alone enter into discourse with you.
See?Â Fun isn’t it.Â I wouldn’t mind, but that actually happened.Â Same as when someone called a friend of mine (who has alopecia and is therefore completely hairless) bald.Â I think I replied with something along the lines of “3 cheers for Captain Obvious, don’t tell me, for your next feat of put down prowess you will call me fat?Â Am I right?Â Do I win a prize?”
How I don’t end up in more fights is beyond me…really…I can’t stop it.Â I guess it isn’t so bad over here, if a German insults me, I probably have no idea how to respond.
Must learn more German
I think I am losing my edge.Â I have to say though, my favourite two comebacks are directly attributable to Marc (He of Hop Pole Fame).
#2 – We were in a nightclub when an absolute stunner walked past me.Â I couldn’t help myself, I just kind of…well gawked really.Â She turned to me and said “What are you fucking looking at?” (no kidding, she was a classy one…).Â Without batting an eyelid, Marc leant in and said sweetly “Don’t worry love, he thought you were attractive, but he was quite obviously mistaken..”
#1 – We were at Anfield, watching our beloved Liverpool play Aston Villa, and the Villa fans were chanting over and over that one of our recent signings was inclined to entertain Mrs Palm and her 5 lovely daughters on occasion.Â If I recall it went something like “Heskey is a wanker, Heskey is a wanker…na naaa na na”, or something equally well thought out and intimidating.Â When there was a break in play, the Villa fans had just finished with their eloquent prose and the ground was particularly quiet.Â Marc stands up, in the middle of the stand we were sat in and replied….at the top of his lungs, “He’d rather be a wanker than a bruuuuuummy”.Â Marc is now revered as an Anfield legend.
Sometimes you just have to fight fire with fire…